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Surfin’ USA

I’ve been told since I was a wee lad that I was a direct descendant of the Mayflower, the famous ship full of funny-talkin’ Puritans that touched down at Plymouth Rock some 388 years ago. This has always been a prideful piece of aross trivia (let’s not talk about the religious fundamentalism or slaughter of indigenous peoples…m’kay?).

Annnnyway, I was in a bookstore the other day and came across “Mayflower”, by Nathaniel Philbrick. Apparently, the passenger John Howland is my long lost mega-great grandfather. I flipped to the index and found John Howland…let’s read:

In the fall of 1620, the Mayflower’s ability to steady herself in a gale produced a most deceptive tranquility for a young indentured servant named John Howland. As the Mayflower lay ahull, Howland apparently grew restless down below. He saw no reason why he could not venture out of the fetid depths of the ‘tween decks for just a moment. After more than a month as a passenger ship, the Mayflower was no longer a sweet ship, and Howland wanted some air. So he climbed a ladder to one of the hatches and stepped on the deck.

OK, ok, I like it so far. J-How has been sailing for more than a month and wants a little fresh air (I’ve seen an English pub’s bathroom after one night of use…66 days crammed in the hull of a boat? Yikes.). I like his quest for personal growth: he wants a better lot in life and decides to go the New World. Even while on this voyage he gets fed up with the “fetid depths” [read: disease, and probably a really bad smell] and wants a little fresh air, thank you very much. We continue:

Howland was from the inland town of Fenstanton, Huntingdonshire, and he quickly discovered that the deck of a tempest-tossed ship was no place for a landsman. Even if this ship had found her own still point, the gale continued to rage with astonishing violence around her. The shriek of the wind through the rope rigging was terrifying, as was the sight of all those towering, spume-flecked waves. The Mayflower lurched suddenly to leeward. Howland staggered to the ship’s rail and tumbled into the sea.

Two things:

I love this statement: “the deck of a tempest-tossed ship was no place for a landsman”. I think I’m going to the incorporate this into my daily life. For example, if I’m dining at a neighborhood diner and I’m told they are out of french fries, I will respond to the waitress, “This restaurant is no place for a landsman!!”. This is definitely going to stick.
HE FELL OFF THE FUCKING BOAT?!?! Well that takes the wind out of my sails (chuckle, straight face). Hey, Andy, your ancestor came over on the Mayflower. Oh, by the way, he’s the retard that fell off the boat!

That should have been the end of him. But dangling over the side and trailing behind the ship was the topsail halyard, the rope used to raise and lower the upper sail. Howland was in his midtwenties and strong, and when his hand found the halyard, he gripped the rope with such feral desperation that even though he was pulled won more than ten feet below the ocean’s surface, he never let go. Several sailors took up the halyard and hauled Howland back in, finally snagging him with a boat hook and dragging him up onto the deck.

Well, this saves it for me. I mean, what are the chances that some guy falls into the middle of the ocean in 1620 and lives? (Probably about the same odds that I will not beat the living hell out of the next person I hear singing that fucking Rick Astley song: very, very low.). The book also mentions that Howland had 88 grand children. Motivated, tenacious and, er, prolific? I’ll take it!

In other news, we’re getting real close to some new SDR tracks (and the DNLBATW give-away bonanza). Stay tuned…stay tuned.

2 / May / 2008 i mean c'mon

1. Rachel | May 2nd, 2008 at 4:27 am

This is quite possibly the most I’ve laughed EVER at one of your blog entries, Andy. Even on that, erm, other blog (the one where they call you Rusty for some reason).

I hope to someday be the impetus for you to exclaim “This is no place for a landsman!”
2. Sarah | May 2nd, 2008 at 5:21 am

Oh Andy!!
My partner claims to be a direct decendant of Ned Kelly - blaims all sorts of mischievous behaviour on this!
Still hanging out for the DNLBATW give-away bonanza, definately wanna to get me one of those as i missed out 1st time around…
3. katie | May 2nd, 2008 at 7:26 am

this made my morning… my computer almost caught on fire last night (yes) and it died. but this is the most awesome thing to get up to. i laughed, i cried (not really) and i got excited for the “give away bonanza”
4. Julia | May 2nd, 2008 at 1:05 pm

Wow, that’s some story. I think somebody should archive it. With your commentary, that is.

Thanks for making me laugh. I did get some questioning looks, but it was waaay worth it.
5. Nance | May 2nd, 2008 at 7:17 pm

Hahaha. Holy shit… that, my dear Rusty, [am I allowed to use ‘my dear’ for someone with whom I’ve had no real personal acquaintance?] was damn hilarious.

Thanks for relieving some stress during finals time.

I think I will go explode now.
6. Rebecca | May 5th, 2008 at 3:04 pm

That is so funny, and I am definately going to use that phrase as soon as I get the opportunity, and no one around me will understand it, but it will be funny to me
7. Becky | May 6th, 2008 at 10:36 am

Now that is one of the most best stories I’ve read in a while. I laughed so hard I cried and now my co-workers think I’m on crack. BTW, how are you with boats? Hopefully the falling off gene has skipped your generation.

New SDR tracks make me happy. Can’t wait to hear them. And the DNLBATW give-away, I’ve a feeling you’re gonna have many (more than 7) contestants.

Don’t forget, the B is for Becky.
8. Yukie | May 6th, 2008 at 4:09 pm

I’m looking forward to new SDR tracks!
9. Rosa | May 11th, 2008 at 3:30 pm

88 grandkids eh?…I think I’m beginning to understand why those depths were so fetid…
10. Nance | May 21st, 2008 at 8:10 am

You know after that Boston Red Sox win a couple of days ago, I first checked here to see if you had posted a new entry about it… but alas, I was mistaken.

On a side note… Andy, if I had to ask you a question, what would be the best way to do so? Don’t worry it’s not silly or fangirly or anything of the sort. It’s actually pretty serious and important… and very long.

Ok, I think I should stop this reply before I go into more random mumbling.
11. David Bowie | June 5th, 2008 at 10:44 pm

Hi Andy.
This is David Bowie.

I’ve never made love to a woman who has dooted her panties.
So I took her home. I put her in the shower.
She smells pretty, like a flower.
And its OK. And its okaaay.
12. Lara May | June 7th, 2008 at 5:47 am

Years ago I got a ‘Mayflower’ postage stamp in the UK. I love the painting on it so much - it’s been on my bedroom and studio walls since.
I sang on your song that Josh produced. It’s a great song. L
13. Becky | May 27th, 2009 at 7:59 pm

Was on the bus today and saw an advertisement for zipcar. First thing I thought of was this post. Second thing was, “I have to take a pic of it”.

Here ya go: http://twitpic.com/62tei

Funny the things that stick in your head.
14. Becky | November 26th, 2010 at 10:14 am

Yeah, yeah, I know you haven’t updated this thing in ages and I’m commenting on something that was posted back in May of ‘08. Still, I saw this last night and laughed my ass off, much to the chagrin of the relatives-in-law. Check it at 4:44, it’s John Howland in Peanuts form: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tc1A0MfAWFk

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Surfin’ USA

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